So after the first marriage was over I focused on the kids and work and was numb to the idea of letting another woman in my life. There was Marta, the live-in nanny I hired that stayed with us and took care of the boys while I was at work. But there will be a different chapter just for her. I was pretty content for a couple of years, not even really thinking about dating or the prospect of getting remarried…ever. I worked 50-60 hours a week and with the schedule I had with the boys there was really no way to go find someone to date. Sooooo, there was this crazy new thing called Match.com. I logged on once….and was hooked
I spent hours upon hours on this website. At first I was just looking at the pictures and concentrated on profiles in the San Diego area. I guess there are crazy people everywhere, but they all appeared to be located in San Diego and according to the survey my “Match”. Touche’ computer…touche’. I went on a date with this nurse. We went to Gordon Birsch Brewery. She was something else.
“Hey how are you?” I asked. She took that question and ran with it like a graveyard shift worker at Wal-Mart who has one chance a week for human interaction and LUCKY ME!! “OH MY GOD…..<10-20 minutes later>… You know what I mean?” I took a breath and began to answer,”Yeah…I totally get wha..”. “I knew IT! I could tell. Can you believe out of every body in the world here we are? I just really think that we could have a lot of fun together.. I hope this isn’t weird but,…” (side note- when a girl says she hopes it isn’t weird, she totally knows its weird but is just saying she wants you to go along with it anyway and not call her out on it.. okay, back to the story.) “but, & I know this is the first time we are meeting, lets just go to Vegas this weekend! Crazy right!” She excitedly exclaimed. “It really is..” I answered back. As I was saying that she took that as me saying that it’s crazy but sounds great…I was actually saying she was nuts and there is no way I was spending the weekend with her. She was cute. But Holy Moly that girl could talk and that’s at least a 4-5 hour drive to Vegas from San Diego. Not a chance.
So I start removing girls from my search parameters, forbidding them to ever be shown in my search again… BWAhahahahahah (evil laugh). I searched all of California, then the West Coast then North America. I had narrowed my search down to 3 girls. First girl was from Northern California. Second was a real cute brunette that lived near Corpus Christi, TX. She had 1 kid and was an office assistant in a construction company. The 3rd was a really cut blonde who lived in Baltimore. It was Mothers Day and I sent them all the same message,
” Happy Mothers Day, I hope it is great! The End, by Josh.”
Simple, non-creepy and just subtle enough to be alluring. I was right. Over the next week I got emails from all 3. The first two said thanks, but the last one wrote, “Well done, a very unique way to break the ice. Okay, you have peaked my interest, tell me about yourself.” So I did. Our daily Email back and forth quickly escalated to 2 then 20 then went to text then within a few weeks time to phone. It was interesting. The emailing allowed me to get to know a lot about her. We quickly found out that we had many of the same interests and life goals. We were both interested in working with Youth in church and having a solid family that others could look at and say, “That’s what I want!” My schedule loosened up and coordinating with their mom I was able to now start flying back east to meet #2 in person. It was amazing. The moment we met there was that magnetic tension that you only have in the beginning. You want to stand closer but don’t want her to think you are a freak. We hit it off to say the least. After 6ish months, several trips out there and a few trips for her to San Diego she mentioned that she wished she lived closer.
I said, “Well, why don’t you move out here then?” To which she replied, “I’d love to…but only if I was getting married..” This is where mid-thirties Josh is shaking his head in disbelief at mid-twenties Josh saying, “That can be arranged…” It can WHAT?!! Oh Lord, here we go.
So I set it all up, had it all planned out. We called it Operation Night Ring. I flew back to Baltimore and landed around 11:00pm. After leaving picking up my bags we started to the parking garage. As we rounded a corner I recognized the escalator from the online pictures and knew this was station one and told her, “Hey, I need to use the bathroom really quick.. be right back.” As I go into the bathroom I go up to a urinal. There was a man standing at one and even though there were several open I stood right next to him. He asked me, “Where ya comin from?” I told him San Diego then proceeded to go pee, because I really had to go. The man the says, “The Pigs are in the Barn”. I reply, “The Crow barks at midnight.” (phrases we set up through my brother in advance) We now knew who each other were and I knew it was safe to hand this stranger the 1ct ring. He took it and took the ring to the final staging area. As I walked out of the bathroom I looked around and #2 showed me two Bibles that a lady just gave her.. They were married couples/his/hers or something like that, actually a gift from my brother Mike. “How weird, She just came up and gave them to you? Huh..” We started up the escalator and encountered a flower vendor with half a bucket of flowers left. “Come on mister, just make me an offer and they are all yours.” Quite the sales pitch, and I love a deal so I bought the bucket for $5.00. Oh, what a coincidence, were those her favorite flowers, Blood Roses and Daisies? Again how weird, and by how weird I mean the plan was going perfectly!! We walked to the machine on the wall where we could pay for parking and I noticed a ceramic dinner bell on the top of it. I grabbed it and while laughing and joking around started ringing the bell, “Look at this, it’s a dinner bell! HA! Is this a new service? Hahaha!..” While ringing it and now speaking in a snobby English accent, “..Heeeey Jeeves, Oooohh here Jeeves.” She hit me and told me to knock it off because someone was coming. I looked down the hall and sure enough there was a tall slender silver-haired man in a tuxedo holding a silver platter with a silver dome covering it. He finally got to us and in a very butler-type voice and tone said, “You rang sir?”. I looked at her with a confused look, which I then straightened and said, “I did, thank you…I will take it from here.” He lifted the dome off the platter and exposed the ring… I then did the down on the knee thing and blah blah blah…lovey dovey…blippity bloppity flippity floppity. She wasn’t a real emotional girl so there weren’t tears but she was overwhelmed and said yes.
We were married in Las Vegas on Sept 11, 2005. Something was off, on the drive from the garden area where we were married to the hotel I remember her saying, “I thought it would feel different, I don’t feel like your wife.” That was like a punch to the nads. “Huh, I’m sorry. Maybe your just hungry?” Probably not the best response but valid none the less. After a brief Buca-de-Bepo Dinner we retired to our hotel and had an awkward, awkward night, we shoulda got hammered. She moved in with the boys and I. We repainted and redecorated and did everything I could to make her coast-to-coast transition easier. She was mean. Mean to me and the boys. Not at all a representation of the woman I fell in love with. It’s like when I slid the ring on her finger I accidentally hit the Bit&h Switch.. which apparently didn’t have an off button.
In December she was flying back East to let her son spend Christmas with his father. I figured it would be a good break. I wanted to do something special for her while she was back there. So I figured I would call a couple of her friends and plan some sort of surprise for her. So I grabbed her phone really quick to grab a few numbers of people I heard her talk about. The first thing I saw was a call to Peter for 75 minuets. That’s a long time, but what ever. I clicked on the name to access the actual number and it listed their most recent calls. UHHHHH What the truck! there were so many and they were always right after I left for work in the morning. So I called him, since he seems to be such a close friend. Oops! I guess he didn’t know that his GIRLFRIEND had moved out to California to marry a guy. He thought she was just moving to be closer to her family. I was livid. I couldn’t believe it happened! I was so angry. To say the least she moved back home. I was angry at the her, at the world and at God. How could I have been led down this path. What was wrong with me, that I can’t just be happy.
It took several months but realized that it was nothing to do with me and that I was fine. I was an escape for her from her patterns in life and she took a chance on happiness, but opted out. We were both called to the starting line and when the gun sounded I ran…she did to, back home. I learned that I can only control me and that another persons actions don’t reflect me, rather it exposes them.