You know, there are times in my life, looking back, that I remember loving being a Dad. There are times when the kids and I just co-existed. I love the times where I showed them how much I truly loved them. When I take the time to smell the kids(not literally, they stop having that “new baby” smell somewhere around 4ish) When I put away my agenda and look at the day from the eyes of my child I notice that the stuff that usually frustrates me, is actually hilarious, innocent, or something they need to learn. I heard Love defined as “putting someone else’s needs and wants above your own”. When I take a look from their perspective it allows me the fantastic opportunity to experience a freedom that comes from not being wrapped up in the rat race of life.
It’s funny to me how a simple trip to the doughnut store can put things into perspective. A lot of times if one of the kids asked if they could go I would tell them to just hang out and I’ll be right back. Grady wanted to go this time, I was glad he did. When we were almost to the store Grady says ” Uh dad? Why would anyone rent a tree, huh?”.. It took me a few seconds to realize what he was talking about………………
I laughed real hard. On the way home I pulled over so I could capture this moment. While looking at this picture I think about how many of these moments I have missed because I was caught up in my life and work and bills. Then I think about the other stuff I miss. If I am missing awesome moments that are happening right in front of my face how can I expect to be able to hear the whispering of God? My busy mind was constantly spinning out of control with the woulda ,shoulda, coulda , cant’s, might’s and might not’s and need to’s of a busy life. Spending my time seeking the wrong treasure.
“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” MAT 6:21
I had many years of my adult life where one might say I thrived, earning between 100-160k/yr for nearly a decade, I owned several houses couple cars but also was divorced 3 times dragging my kids through needless relationships. I was successful, financially, working for things. Things that distracted me from my family and my purpose. Things that for a time, cost me both. I have had success in comedy, I make people laugh, make money & usually feel full after a good show. This fullness isn’t the staying kind. It’s like Chinese Food where you want more a little while later. These paths I would take would just keep making giant circles. The same life obstacles popping up over and over. My soul suffering at the struggle to get on the right path.
In the olden days before Google maps, I would never stop and ask for directions because I didn’t feel like I was lost. The only time I would ask is when it seemed hopeless, then I would swallow my pride and ask. Once you have directions it would be insane to ignore them and continue to go down the streets that you think might be the right ones, even though that’s what I did over and over.
The constant running around in the maze looking for the right path is exhausting, waiting until dead ends before even pondering what I should be doing, what was I created for.
I would ask myself why would anyone want to keep going back to a lifestyle where the exhausted breaths they take seem out of sorts & empty? I see in my past where I suffered. I can also see the times in life where I looked to the Heavens and found solace in relationship with Christ. There is no question on the fundamental truth of my belief. I questioned my ability to continually fight against the world. How long would I struggle between who I was and who I was made to be? Now that I am in line with my created purpose the things I want seem to change. I used to reserve energy for work, making sure I could pour into that to feel full.
There is this crazy thing you realize, that the way to truly be full is to pour yourself out completely for others. So in a way what some consider to be a charitable act can actually be quite selfish in the most selfless way giving entirely of yourself and finally knowing what fullness is.
Here is a link to my September Newsletter on the page sponsored by The Gate Church
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